Runtown :How ‘Mad Over You’ made my girlfriend forgive me after I cheated like a dog
So this holiday I cheated on my girlfriend.
While she went back to spend time with her family, the devil came into my head and suggested that there was one day that I met a fine girl, collected her number, but failed to call. The devil said I should call and try my luck.
As I watched my girlfriend board the plane at the Murtala Muhammed Airport, and it taxied its way on to the runway and into the clouds, my phone was already dialing the new chick that I was going to cheat with.
Sabrina was her name, and she had the kind of body that will make you dream of scented Chocolate cookies and long for her sweetness, even though it causes diabetes. I was instantly ready to sin.
“Hello, I don’t think I can remember you?” Sabrina said when I introduced myself.
I saw my chances of getting new women on to my bed decline, but the devil in me, was greater than the forming in her. Me, Joey Akan, king of Ajah, Lagos Ajebutter.
I switched into overdrive, chased her with all my swag, and proved to her that I am the best thing since MTN midnight call. I called ceaselessly, and made her laugh effusively, until she agreed to come home and visit me.
My father my father. I couldn’t believe my luck. I scanned the house, cleaned it 20 times, searched for every belonging of my girlfriend, put them in a box and sent them to a friend’s house. On the day she came, she was amazing, we laughed, played like two stupid kids, took thousands of photos and did everything else.
And then she kissed me goodbye and left. I had done it. My body had calmed down. I had cheated on my darling girlfriend, and gotten away with it. I am a hero.
But not so fast, I forgot to delete the photos, and my girlfriend cut short her holiday in the South to come spend time with me. She came home when I was in the bathroom, and before I could jump out to grab my phone and fumigate it of my adultery, she was gone. Over and out.
For many days, she refused to pick my call, and blocked my number. I begged, wrote flowing letters filled with shame and admission of guilt. But she said no.
“How could you do this? I thought you were the one for me.” She cried.
“But baby, I am still the one for you. The devil put me to it” I cried back. Story.
“The devil abi? Go and marry the devil. Sleep with him, have little demons as kids, and rot in hell!” She fired back and slammed the call. The devil as nowhere to be found to comfort me. He left me in my time of need. Bad man. Always putting good guys like us in trouble.
But then I had an idea last week. I strategized, sneaked to her compound, with enormous speakers, and blasted her favorite song. One of the best things about having a long-term relationship is that you would always know the person’s likes and pet crushes. My girlfriend loves Runtown, and when ‘Mad Over You’ was released in 2016, she was on to the song before me.
I brought out a loud speaker and began to blast the song in front of her door, and like a fly who has smelled fresh palm wine, she rushed outside to dance and turn up. Bad move.
As she opened the door, she found me, kneeling on the floor, and screaming in my croaked voice: ‘I dey mad over you girl’, with fake tears from Aboniki balm streaming down my face. It broke her heart.
After a little shakara, and plenty of apologies, she broke down, cried and hugged me. Then she took me inside her house, and the makeup sex was fire. Mission accomplished.
Today she called me in the morning to tell me how much of a great boyfriend I am, and that God put me on this earth as her soul mate. I was elated and replied with more mush sweet nothings. Trust me now.
But deep down in my heart, I chopped knuckle with Runtown. Without that guy, I would have started 2017 without a boo, and very horny.
God bless him. May his music continue to blow. Amen.